DIY

Hello fellow DIY'ers! Welcome to the first installment of how to do things. If you are a man, you are expected to know how to do things and do them well. If you are a lady, great!

Men, I am here to help you in your quest to achieve your full potential and how to avoid the classic, "I dunno" look when asked if you can do something. As a true man, you must always know how to fix, install, troubleshoot and probably remove anything and at anytime. As a man, you are to have the know-how to charge into any situation headfirst and come up with the solution and therefore, live up to your proud heritage, manliness.

Textbook "I dunno" look

So, in order to avoid the embarrising situation where you have to admit, "I don't know", here's the first installment of How to do Stuff:

So there's a hole in your fence.

Step 1: Asses the situation.

Welp, better start making a list of things needed at Home Depot.

• Screws. 

          *If you go to Lowe's, stop reading this How-to guide and buy yourself a dress, Nancy.

Step 2: Measure, measure, measure.

I'm told this is important.

Step 3: Make sure you have the proper tools for the job at hand.

While you may be tempted to show off your know-how by using the tools our forefathers used, remember; given the chance, they would've used the power tools too.

Step 4: Wood is expensive, better find "alternatives"

Listen, in this economy, a frugal man is a smart man. If you don't need to spend the money on it, don't. And with so many foreclosures and bankrupt neighborhoods, it sometimes makes sense to just take unused fences.

When did everyone switch to brick fences?

Step 5: Acquire said fence

Once you find what seems to be the one wood fence left in the entire city, take another quick measurement and begin cutting.

Remember: Don't be greedy, take only what you need.

Step 6: Load fence.

Local laws and regulations may vary, but normally, the rule of thumb is, if it doesn't stick out farther than your mirrors or a foot farther back than your vehicle, you don't need any "extra wide notices". Make sure to secure whatever it is you're carrying if it looks like it'll move around. And, it's best to drive a short distance to make sure that your load has settled and re-tighten if necessary.

Step 7: Make a getaway.

Step 8: Make sure you aren't being followed.

Nothing worse than being caught, amiright?

Step 9: Install fence.

Using the screws you bought from Home Depot, secure the 'new' fence to the old one.
You may be wondering why I used screws, 1.) They don't come loose with time. 2.) They're harder to take off (just in case some other user of this guide found your fence suitable for their project).

Final step: Marvel that it actually fit.

Seriously, you only took one measurement and when you made the cut for the new one, you were off by at least 2 inches.

Congratulations! You have successfully completed this guide.