Alcohol poisoning.

During my mission in Mexico, I got to meet a lot of people. I mean, a LOT. Here's a story of one of them, who was drunk. AND. HE. LOVED. TALKING. TO. US.

The first time I met him, I was brand new to my area and my mission. My companion and I were covering opposite sides of the street looking for doors to knock on when this guy saw me at around 4:00 P.M.(foreshadowing) and immediately wanted to talk to me. After a full afternoon of people shutting their doors on me, this guy seemed awesome!

My Spidey-sense had not fully developed yet

I, being a greenie, enthusiastically called out to my companion so he can also meet my brand new friend. My companion was signalling me to walk away. But how could I walk away form this friendly investigator, who undoubtedly is golden?

Turns out this guy was wasted beyond belief. He was the neighborhood drunk. And he was drunk nearly 24/7. AND he wanted to have a prayer with us...

Anyway, Drunky, as he was called by us, was convinced that he should be the one praying, as we had no idea what... a drunk guy would pray about.

Not the same guy

So imagine this in your head, two missionaries and a drunk guy by the side of a busy road standing in a circle getting ready to pray. Yes, he was screaming at the top of his lungs, and also, when in caps, he was throwing his head back.

Lord!... you have taken, my BROTHEEER!!!!

today!... is his FUNERAAAALLL!!!!

He's being buried.... at THREE!!!!

 

Isn't it...? 

 

why did you... TAKE HIM?!?!?!

amen.

We never knew if there really was a funeral because most of the time, he didn't know what day it was and he never mentioned it again the many, many times we saw him afterwards. But, as we walked away that first time, my companion gave me this look of "and now you know".

Death Metal Spiders

Nightmares, by definition, are scary things. They can be brought around by sleep disorders, anxiety or stress. But every once in a while, they can be absolutely hilarious.

This one time, my roommates and I were all at home. One of them decided to call it an early night because he had started a new job and there was much to get used to there, the other one was in his room studying because everyone needs a hobby and I was in the living room playing some GTA V because... it's a good game. Anyways, it was an incredibly quiet evening, nothing out of the normal.


Out of nowhere, the sleeping one comes out of his room with bloodshot eyes and YELLING...

What follows it the conversation we had;

He comes into the living room and immediately starts asking me, "Did you put that in my room?!"

I decided that it behooved me that I hit pause.

I ask him, "Put what in your room?"

He points at the lit candle in the living room. "Did you put that at the foot of my bed?"

 To be fair, I'm capable of doing many things, but arson isn't one of them.

"Why would I put a candle on your bed?"

"The fire! No, I mean, did you put the spiders on my bed?"

"What spiders?"

"The metal spiders, did you put the metal spiders at the foot of my bed?" 

A legitimate fear.

It is at this point that I realize that this wasn't my fault.

"No dude, I wouldn't put metal spiders on your bed" - A phrase I never thought I'd say.

It's a this point that he finally blinks and kinda regains consciousness. He looks at me with newfound realization at what has been said. We look at each other for maybe 10 seconds.

Finally he mutters, "I must be really tired, I'm going back to bed."